Anime Series Counterparts

 

Anime Series Counterparts Flight of Dragons Countries Berserk A Christmas Carol (holiday season w00t!) Apocalypto Azumanga Daioh (not enough men, don't mind gender switches) Final Fantasy VII (ditto, except women) God of War Naruto (yeah I was once a Narutard and I still read it...) Neon Genesis Evangelion Other Neon Genesis Evangelion (some really suck 'cause I was too lazy to do real analysis) Chrono Crusade (Seriously, this series is like, the D&D campaign... except with more guns, devils and panties). Harry Fucking Potter Rockman X SaGa Frontier Samurai Champloo Star Wars Star Wars (alternate) Valkyrie Profile Ninety-Nine Nights Disney Gears of War (I know, it's a bad idea) Legend of Zelda X-Men Dead Rising Demon Stone Okami The Lord of the Rings Sailor Moon Foodstuffs Slayers Fly for Fun Gitaroo Man RECIPE LOLZ!!!!!!!1 Hand Maid May

 

The following are characters and their counterparts in various anime / manga / video game / not anime but still pertinent series. Yes, this page is just a random waste of space, but it's cool. I mostly did matching based on personality, not appearance or importance in series.

 

Flight of Dragons

• Raiden - Peter Dickenson
• Aeleria - Melisande
• Allerance - Sir Oren Neville Smythe
• Raevynn - Giles of the Treetops
• Mydo - Arak
• Searil - Smrgol
• Olio - Danielle
• Noodles - The Shop Keeper
• Gnaat - Smrgol
• Victor - Ommadon
• Avarice - Bryaugh
• Shifty - Sandmurk
• Duff McWeighlyn - Innkeeper
• Michaelis - Carolinus
• William Cosby - Lo Tae Shao
• Frederick Meyer - Solarius
• Ogre - Ogre

 

 

Countries

• Olio - France
• Mydo - America
• Searil - Spain
• Raiden - Japan
• Gnaat - China
• Raevynn - Russia
• Arinae - Germany
• Scharr - North Korea
• Noodles - Ireland
• Allerance - England
• Aeleria - Switzerland
• Dresvan - Netherlands
• Duff - Italy
• Michaelis - Vatican City

 

• Olio is an artistically talented quasi-intellectual who can sort of fight but ultimately comes running to those stronger than her for protection when her borders are being... penetrated. She's also got cheese (not grilled) and intoxication in ready and varied supply.
• Mydo's rude, crude, brash, shortsighted, inconsiderate, and too wealthy for his own good... but he saves everybody when they're in trouble. Thus, everyone complaines, but no one really takes any measures to cut him off officially.
• Searil was once one of the primary bringers of holy justice to heathen lands. Searil was once the leader in firepower AND diplomacy. Searil has since perished... T_T...
• Raiden is strong, sophisticated, and beautiful, but his elite attitude and outward coldness keep others from warming up to him easily. That's until they find out his one fantasy is for Searil to grow tentacles and rape the shit out of him.
• Gnaat is large, strong, wise, and soaked in tradition from head to toe. She also has difficulty communicating with even her allies and thus relies on physical force to get her point across sometimes. She also likes red.
• Sure Raevynn can talk and fight as well as anyone else, but ultimately she's been forced to rely on criminal cunning and resourcefulness, which she fortunately bests everyone in. Now don't get me wrong, America... ahem... Mydo TRIES to keep up with her in the black market, but falls sorely behind due to his focus on other things. She's also cold and hard.
• Arinae once pissed everyone off with her implied endorsement of a dark "master race," but nowadays she's quiet about her loathing and tries to help her friends. Allies. Meat shields. Whatever.
• Scharr has a history of violence and neglect of kindness and human rights, but due to his general adherance (sp) to rules and codes, doesn't have much to be held accountable for. Plus he makes good food.
• Aeleria is pretty and skilled, but seems to have an odd degree of neutrality in most instances.
• Noodles is happy-go-lucky and damn smart, but he seems to spend so much time partying that he doesn't seem to take much of a stand. Blah blah blah he also is addicted to potatoes and corned beef.
• Allerance is sophisticated and diplomatic while retaining his warrior skills. Etc. Yeah. He also died after being slammed by the forces of evil for too long.
• Dresvan = legal hookers and weed.
• Duff provides lots of booze, food, and a large space in which to enjoy it.
• Ummm... Popes and shit?

 

 

Berserk

• Mydo - Guts
• Raiden - Serpico
• Aeleria - Silke
• Gnaat - Pippen
• Raevynn - Judeau
• Searil - Farnese
• Olio - Lucca
• Arinae - Corkus
• Noodles - Puck
• Dresven - Skull Knight
• William Cosby - Flora
• Helga - Caska
• Victor - Void
• Avarice - Slan
• Necro Cultleader - Ubek
• Shifty - Conrad
• ????? - Griffith

 

Breaks down to:

- Mydo can take cut a lightning storm in half, have his skin burned off and his body perforated in a hundred places and then get back up to talk trash to his opponent.

- Raiden is a super-skilled, silent guy with a history of rejection who fanatically protects his charge.

- Aeleria is a quiet healer druid type.

- Gnaat is a strong, silent person who gets her innards torn out by a large demon.

- Raevynn can throw knives and is good at stealing things. She also dies saving Sara's life.

- Searil is a young, bitchy, hallucinatory member of the Vatican's Holy Chain Knights. She is fanatically protected by Raiden. She also touches herself when she's feeling reverent.

- Olio is your typical hooker with a heart of gold and has little respect for those in positions of authority.

- Arinae always bitches when Mydo doesn't die in battle. She also is old and likes getting drunk.

- Noodles is an overly-optimistic shrimp who gets smashed on occasion.

- Dresven is always riding in on his horse and saving everyone's asses. He also has a sword of faces that can cut portals between dimensions.

- William is a head druid.

- Helga is a woman who works for the right cause by eventually succumbs to a horrible trauma and loses her memory.

- Victor has a large exposed brain and oversees massive sacrificial rituals.

- Avarice is totally hot and naked, except for a corset. And she has tentacles instead of hair. And she totally wants Mydo's ass.

- Necro Cultleader guy is always smiling and showing people their pasts.

- Shifty is fat, has his hands always clasped and can summon rats at will.

- Nobody gets the place of honor that is Griffith. Too tired.

 

 

A Christmas Carol (holiday season w00t!)

• Raiden - Ebenezer Scrooge (cranky, sits around with his books 8-P )
• Mydo - Bob Cratchit (his optimistic, abused underling)
• Arinae - Jacob Marley (Scrooge's bookish former partner who walks around in chains)
• Raevynn - Tiny Tim (small, uh... crippled?)
• Searil - Belle (his former girlfriend, left 'im 'cause he was more into his books than her ass)
• Gnaat - Ghost of Christmas Past (helps reflect on stuff)
• Olio - Ghost of Christmas Present (shows him how to have a good time)
• Aeleria - Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (doesn't talk, can kill by pointing)

 

 

Apocalypto

If you take into consideration that almost everyone in this movie runs really fast, jumps over stuff, climbs things, and fights with wrestling, clubs, javelins, and slings, you might say that Gnaat fits a lot of them. I'm gonna try to figure somethin' out though.

 

• Gnaat - Jaguar Paw
• Billy - The Fish Hunter
• Shifty - Blunted

 

• Charlemagne - Flint Sky
• Anti-Party Fighter Guy who killed Searil - Middle Eye
• Necromancer Leader - The High Priest
• The Other Fighter from the Anti-Party - Zero Wolf
• The rest of the Anti-Party - The Rest of the Holcane Warriors

 

To avoid spoilers and stuff, I should probably leave out the implications for now, until people who want to see the movie have seen it.

 

 

 

Azumanga Daioh (not enough men, don't mind gender switches)

• Olio - Tomo
• Searil - Yomi
• Aeleria - Sakaki
• Mydo - Yukari-sensei
• Gnaat - Kagura
• Arinae - Kaorin
• Raiden - Nyamo-sensei
• Dresven - Kimura-sensei
• Raevynn - Chiyo

 

Final Fantasy VII (ditto, except women)

• Searil - Cloud
• Olio - Tifa
• Aeleria - Aerith
• Mydo - Cid
• Gnaat - Nanaki
• Arinae - Yuffie (can switch w/ Olio on this one?)
• Raiden - Vincent
• Dresven - Don Corneo
• Lawrence - Zack
• Father Mikhalis - Bugenhagen
• Helga - Elena
• Shifty - Hojo
• Mydo's Lizard - Bahamut
• Victor - Sephiroth

 

God of War

• Arinae - Kratos
• Isil - Athena
• Vladimir - Ares
• Victor - Zeus
• Mydo - Kratos' Champion
• Gnaat - Whoever threw the spear of destiny and killed that bird in God of War 2.
• Nebuchadnezzar - Atlas
• The Old Miser Guy - Typhon
• Tedrick - Eurydale
• Olio - Sex Mini-game girl #1 / Aphrodite
• Raevynn - Perseus
• Sera - Jason
• Noodles - Those friggin' annoying wizard enemies with magic missiles.
• Allerance - The Horsekeeper

 

Therefore...

• Arinae is the Ghost of Sparta, former champion of Vladimir, now the fallen God of War, hired by her mother to kill Vladimir.
• Isil is the only lawful good character in the game. She tries to stop Arinae's rampage as the new god of war, but then Arinae is like "I don't need you guys, I'm gonna go beat up Rome!"
• Vladimir was the God of War, but Arinae totally killed him. His beard was on fire.
• Victor is the king of Olympus, and he's a complete jerk. He killed Arinae with a big sword, and imprisoned the old miser guy and Nebuchadnezar after the Great War.
• Mydo is the leader of the Spartans, and the sole survivor after Victor killed almost everyone.
• Gnaat is the reason why Arinae gets a kick-ass sub-weapon at some point.
• Nebuchadnezzar is imprisoned in the deepest parts of Hades, holding up the earth on his shoulders. He's a pretty nice guy, and he gave Arinae his magic.
• The Old Miser Guy is old and miserly. He doesn't believe that Arinae no longer serves Victor, and tried to blow her away with his intense breath. Arinae punches him in the eye and takes his bow before Spider-Manning her way out of the cavern.
• Tedrick is Medusa's obese sister. Arinae uses his severed head to petrify enemies.
• Olio gives Arinae extra XP at the beginning of the game, and also has Arinae kill Medusa pretty early on.
• Raevynn sneak attacks Arinae like a little bitch until Arinae totally breaks all of her stuff.
• Sera didn't really do anything but get eaten by the Cerberus, and Arinae took the Golden Fleece off of her body.
• Noodles teleports around, casts Magic Missile and Hold Person, and summons friggin' Minotaurs.
• Allerance is HUGE and has ridiculous amounts of health. Arinae killed him by skewering him with his own weapon, slamming a door on his head, and then kicking him down some stairs.

 

Naruto (yeah I was once a Narutard and I still read it...)

• Mydo - Naruto
• Raiden - Sasuke
• Searil - Sakura
• Olio - Ino
• Aeleria - Hinata
• Gnaat - Rock Lee
• Arinae - Temari
• Dresven - Ebisu-sensei
• Duff McWeighlyn - Asuma
• Lawrence - Kakashi
• Helga - Tsunade
• Charlemagne - Jiraiya
• Shifty - Kabuto
• Mydo's Lizard - Konohamaru
• Victor - Orochimaru

 

Drawing character parallels with a series with as many characters as Naruto can be dangerous! A lot of these make sense to some extent, but it also could be construed as making the statements that:

• Aeleria is Mydo's secret admirer.
• Olio and Searil both desperately want to rape Raiden.
• Duff McWeighlyn has an Abe Lincoln beard and totally sweet brass knuckles.
• Victor is Michael Jackson, and he wants Raiden's body.
• Mydo's lizard will one day ascend to greatness.
• Raiden will betray the party and have an epic duel with Mydo before running away to join Victor.
• Gnaat has a crush on Searil.
• Duff McWeighlyn is Mydo's lizard's uncle.

 

I was gonna to EVA but there aren't enough significant characters. However, if the characters existed they'd be as such:

 

Neon Genesis Evangelion

• Shinji - Searil
• Rei - Aeleria, Raiden, Arinae, Gnaat
• Asuka - Olio, Mydo

 

Other Neon Genesis Evangelion (some really suck 'cause I was too lazy to do real analysis)

• Raiden - Shinji
• Olio - Asuka
• Aeleria - Rei
• Searil - Hikari Horaki
• Mydo - Misato
• Gnaat - Suzuhara
• Arinae - Other kid who hangs with Suzuhara
• Dresven - Kaji
• Duff McWeighlyn - Kaworu
• Lawrence - Fuyutsuki
• Helga - Gendo
• Shifty - Sachiel
• Mydo's Lizard - Pen Pen
• Victor - Adam / Pillsbury Doughboy
• Nymeria - EVA 00
• Longsword of Valor beyond Reproach - Lance of Longinus
• Quality Goblin - Ramiel
• Ogre - Armisael

 

Emiley and I were thinking about EVA parallels and thought up something a bit different and somehow entertaining:

 

• Searil - Kaji
• Sir Lawrence - Misato
• Dame Helga - Gendo
• Raiden - Shinji

 

Chrono Crusade (Seriously, this series is like, the D&D campaign... except with more guns, devils and panties).

• Searil - Rosette Christopher
• Gnaat - Chrno
• Dame Helga - Sister Kate
• Dresvan - Aion
• DM Bird - Aion's pet eagle thing
• Sir Lawrence - Father Ewan Remington
• Olio - Satella
• Mydo - The Elder
• Aleria - Azmaria Hendric

Inserting the D&D characters into this series as the aforementioned characters would yield...

• Searil as an incredibly angry and wreckless gun-toting nun
• Gnaat is a member of demon royalty who takes a part of Searil's soul every time she goes super saiyan.
• Helga as the leader of the exorcist order who happens to be a hardass
• Dresvan trying to have sex with all of the vulnerable women he can while also attempting to overthrow heaven. Oh yes, and he's trying to convert Searil away from God.
• The DM Bird is Dresvan's extension
• Sir Lawrence is secretly an angel that can travel from New York to San Francisco in minutes. Searil would also have a crush on him.
• Olio would be able to summon paladins from her arm. Seriously. Paladins. She would also wear the most ridiculous outfit imaginable (complete with breast follow-through) that makes her very rapable.
• Mydo would make gadgets and be a perverted old man.
• Aleria would heal people with her voice. And also be twelve.

 

Creepy, no?

 

Harry Fucking Potter

• Arinae - Draco Malfoy
• Gnaat - Ron Weasley
• Olio - Ginny Weasley
• Searil - Harry Potter
• Mydo - Mundungus Fletcher
• Raevynn - Dobby the house-elf
• Raiden - Remus Lupin
• Aeleria - Professor Sprout
• Alistin - Hermione Granger
• Dresvan - Sirius Black
• Devis - Peeves
• Isil - Sibyll Trelawney
• Chaldiira - Tom Riddle
• Shifty - Peter Pettigrew
• Victor - Lord Voldemort
• Duffe McWeighlyn - Tom the Barkeeper
• Lawrence - Viktor Krum
• Helga - Hardcastle McCormick
• Father Michahlis - The Near-Dead Dumbledore
• Vladimir Krichevskoy - Hagrid
• Tedrick Gotfreid - Lucius Malfoy
• Frederick Meyer - Nicholas Flamel
• Cyril Mashan - Godric Gryffindor
• William Cosby - The whomping willow

 

 

And 'cause all the cool kids are doing it, drawing character parallels with THIS means that...

 

• Arinae and Searil are BITTER RIVALS.
• Gnaat and Olio are related.
• Searil will eventually turn gay for Olio.
• Gnaat will eventually turn gay for Alistin.
• Mydo is heavily into illegal activities such as selling stolen cauldrons.
• Raevyn is Tedrick's slave, rescued from him by Searil and now works for Michahlis.
• Raiden is a werewolf, and gay for Dresvan, even after he was thrown in jail for killing Shifty.
• Aeleria... um... likes plants....
• Alistin, Gnaat, and Searil are the protagonists. Not necessarily in that order.
• Dresvan rides a FLYING MOTORCYCLE!
• Devis is a ghost >_> Shut up peeves is almost a bard.
• Isil predicted the downfall of Victor at the hands of Searil.
• Tedrick is Arinae's real father, not Chaldiira, who, by the way, is actually the same person as Victor, and was recently brought back to life by Shifty.
• Shifty used to be great friends with Raiden and Dresvan.
• Victor is trying to kill Searil, who is the only one with the power to destroy him!!1!
• Duffe is, um, a barkeeper.
• Lawrence is an international sports star that girls swoon over all the time. He is in love with Alistin.
• Helga can turn into a CAT.
• Michahlis runs a wizard school and fights Victor in his spare time.
• Vladimir is half giant, and was kicked out of school when he was fifteen because Chaldiira blamed him for releasing monsters on Michahlis's students.
• Tedrick gave Olio a diary containing the soul of Chaldiira, intending it to eat her brains and restore Chaldiira to his former power as Victor. She was saved by Searil, barely.
• Frederick Meyer is not only a convienient shopping location but also invented the Philosopher's Stone and has lived like six hundred years, until Victor tried to take the stone and it got destroyed.
• Cyril created the school (temple?) Michahlis runs.
• William Cosby tried to kill Searil and Gnaat when they were twelve. He was there to guard a passageway for Raiden.

 

Rockman X

 

• Aeleria - Sting Chameleon
• Arinae - Wire Sponge
• Gnaat - Overdrive Ostrich
• Duffe McWeighlyn - Duff McWhalen
• Mydo - Spark Mandrill
• Helga - Sigma
• Avarice - Zero
• Victor - Dr. Cain AND Dr. Light
• Shifty - X
• Olio - Boomer Kuwanger
• Raiden - Armored Armadillo
• Noodles - Chill Penguin
• Searil - Storm Eagle
• Raevynn - Crystal Snail
• Dresvan - Vava
• Alistin - Launch Octopus
• Allerance - Flame Mammoth

 

So...

 

Aeleria has a sophisticated sounding English accent, but usually only says "Nyeh." She's all green, and can turn invisible. She's pretty much a ninja.

 

Arinae is some kind of plant or something. She lives in the forest and controls the weather. If Shifty steals Gnaat's weapon first, he can use it to cut Arinae's chains off.

 

Gnaat is a crazy bird that cuts things by whipping her head at them. She never really stops running around in the desert.

 

Duffe McWeighlyn is a friggin' whale.

 

Mydo is a big ape with drill hands and glowing lights on his shoulders. He shoots electricity.

 

Helga used to be a Irregular Hunter Captain, but she betrayed everyone and got scars on her face from Shifty.

 

Avarice has a long, blonde hair, green boob-lights and a lightsaber. She's a bad-ass.

 

Victor is responsible for both Shifty's creation and later discovery. He's old/dead.

 

Shifty is the protagonist, and he steals everyone so that he can go and confront Helga and her dog.

 

Olio is some kind of tall, skinny, ninja beetle thing. She puts the "wang" in "kuwanger."

 

Raiden is very honorable, and he's also some kind of rodent. He rolls around and bounces off of stuff. If Shifty is very careful to die in a particular pit 5 times, and then go above Raiden's lair with full health/full subtanks, he can find the place where Victor gives him the Hadoken.

 

Noodles is a homicidal bird who can freeze the air around him with his breath. He lives in a missile base at the south pole, and he is very flammable.

 

Searil was good friends with Shifty and Avarice before turning Irregular. She can fly (for fun?), and is very paladin-like. She sacrificed herself in the manga to defeat some other dude, I think, and is nearly impossible to defeat without the dash boots.

 

Raevynn has the ability to freeze enemies in place and is obsessed with shiny things. If you fall down this one pit in her level, you can get the fancy scan helmet thing. She has antennae.

 

Dresvan looks like Boba Fett, and has a shoulder cannon. He was busted out of jail by Helga, who he proceeded to betray to further his own agenda of proving his superiority over Shifty. Avarice self destructs on the back of his neck at the end of the game.

 

 

All that Alistin ever does is fop around and shoot missiles... underwater!

 

Allerance has a spherical torso and a long trunk that shoots magma. He used to be very nice, but now he likes beating up people who are smaller than him (and most people are).

 

SaGa Frontier

 

• Olio - Lute
• Noodles - Rouge
• Allerance - T260G
• Raiden - Blue
• Elistrae - Emelia
• Lawrence - Red
• Sera - Assellus
• Helga - Captain Hamilton
• Mydo - Gen
• Dresvan - Roufas
• The Ghost Rangers - The Valkyries
• Tedrick - Gozarus
• Gnaat - Fei-On
• Nebuchadnezzar - Sei
• Mido - Riki
• Victor - Orlouge
• Shifty - The Lion Princess
• Avarice - Rei
• Raevynn - The Baccarat Gnome
• Arinae - Fuse
• Mydo's Bag o' Tricks - Slime
• Scharr - Red Turnip
• The Hydra - Tanzer
• The Half-Ogre from the Pet Store - Thunder
• Fred Meyer - Virgil
• The DM Bird - Gina
• Searil - White Rose
• Duffe McWeighlyn's Daughter - Mei Ling

 

Therefore!

Olio is a punk-ass teenager with purple hair who avenged her father's death by playing the worst song ever while the murderer was trapped in a box filling with acid from Mydo's bag of tricks. What a horrible way to die! She worked together with Helga to locate her father's killer.

 

Helga is an extremely manly woman who commands a pirate ship with an all-female crew. She's got a cool hat and talks about MSG all the time.

 

Mydo is evidentally some kind of Samurai who is the sole survivor of the massacre of his homeland. He spends his time getting drunk with Olio, Mido, and Allerance. He can cut through things with a lead pipe.

 

Dresvan is some kind of cowboy/secret agent/swordsman/pimp. He is the leader of a terrorist group called Gradius. He will only team up with men when he is away from home.

 

Noodles is a magician who hangs out in the airport and joins people who say they're interested in magic.

 

Allerance is a female robot reassembled by a giant octopus from scrap parts found in a junkyard. He teams up with Mydo to save the children and go on a quest to find his lost mission. You can equip multiple suits of armor on him to make him nigh invincible.

 

Raiden graduated at the top of his class from the Magic Academy, and is traveling the world to learn all kinds of magic. He is Noodles' evil twin, and he has the WORST ending in the history of video games.

 

Elistrae is an ex-supermodel turned secret agent working for Dresvan to avenge her fiance's death. She has bunny ears.

 

Lawrence is a pretty cool guy who people generally like, but he has a crappy job and no money. There's a girl he likes, but he has difficulty talking to her, and he's secretly a super-hero.

 

Sera is some kind of half-vampire since having Victor's blood mixed with her own to save her from death. Her hair turns green, and she starts with one of the most powerful swords in the game. She and Searil are totally gay for eachother.

 

The two ghost rangers stand in your fricking way in that fricking dungeon and talk too much and then they get emo when you beat them up.

 

Tedrick is green, and he has some cool items, but he charges you in BLOOD. He doesn't like Sera, criticizing her for "Looking Stupid."

 

Gnaat is an intense monk who lives in the Hydra's digestive tract. She set up some sort of village there to save people swallowed by the beast, and will help you out unless you're traveling with Duffe McWeighlyn's daughter, who she totally slept with at some point.

 

Nebuchadnezzar is an undead king who gladly aids Mido in his quest after hearing the sad story of his dying land.

 

Mido is an annoying little bastard who sucks to have in your party because he's so fucking useless and can't gain XP. Duffe's daughter takes pitty on his hopelessness and helps him on his quest. He ends up getting some of the coolest items in the game, and has a battle with Fred Meyer.

 

Victor is mighty charm lord of the Vampires. His hair and clothes follow through even when he is standing still in an indoor space. He has sixty mistresses that he keeps in coffins around his castle. Every single one of his subjects is bisexual. In his epilogue, Sera beats him up and takes his job and then Arinae arrests him for kidnapping little girls.

 

Shifty is a Vampire Princess and one of Victor's most powerful mistresses. He has an intense sword and dies honorably in battle against Sera. Victor loves Shifty so much that he keeps a larger-than-life-size, art nouveau portrait of him on his wall, along with portraits of Searil and Avarice.

 

Avarice was Victor's first mistress, but she escaped the castle and hangs out in a shrine making fun of people. She has unique magic skills, but they are useless because she joins you at level 1 at like the end of the game.

 

Raevynn owns the world's largest casino (it has its own planet) and lives in a sewer, which has a large cavern filled with gold. She's "LOTS old" and occasionally appears in the casino, but her existence is apocryphal. She'll give you a Tarot Card if you give her at least 4 Gold Ingots.

 

Arinae is apparently very important, but not really. She kind of looks like a much uglier version of Owen Wilson. One of her legs is broken in the concept art, and she thinks she's really cool, but isn't. She arrests lots of people and wrongly accuses Elistrae of murder. Elistrae gets even by using the Dream Super Combo.

 

Mydo's bag of tricks joins the party in the Hydra's stomach while Gnaat leads the way to the Vitality Rune. It saves the day on several occasions, usually by secreting acid on people's faces.

 

Scharr replaces Searil after Searil dies for pretty much no good reason at all. "Heh heh heh."

 

The Hydra is some big jerk who swallows stuff.

 

The half-ogre from the pet store that was adopted by Olio when she found him as a small child, and has been raised as her little brother.

 

Fred Meyer sits on a big throne in a palace in the middle of fucking nowhere. He is super powerful, and can teleport you and stuff. To complete his quest, Mido must impress him with his 5-hit Combos.

 

The DM Bird has a creepy fascination with Sera, and narrates the plotline. Sera saves it from a griffon in the crappy ending.

 

Searil is one of Victor's favorite mistresses. She falls in love with Sera, and then dies in a stupid way (after being a main character for most of the game).

 

Duffe's daughter is a stupid retard who hangs out in a bar with Mido, Olio, Mydo, and Allerance. She gets kidnapped by perverts, and she sucks with swords, guns, magic, and pretty much everything useful. Mido saves her, even though it's really her protecting his useless ass. She and Gnaat used to be an item, but now they aren't speaking.

 

Samurai Champloo

 

• Mydo - Mugen
• Raiden - Jin
• Olio / Arinae - Fuu
• Duffe - Manzou the Saw
• Gnaat - Shoryu
• Allerance - Ishimatsu
• Bruno the Thug Guy - Boss Nagatomi
• Dresvan - Nagamitsu
• Noodles - Yamane
• Tedrick - Oniwakamaru
• Shifty - Ryujiro
• Raevynn - Shinsuke
• Necromancers - The Sohei/Tengu

 

=O

Mydo is a crazy redneck with incredible fighting skills. Amongst other awesome endeavors, he trains a kuwanger into the ultimate sumo-beetle, Rodriguez!

 

Raiden is a quiet, tall, long-haired, bespectacled, and extremely skilled Ronin. He frustrates his traveling companions by being needlessly cryptic and/or quiet about his motives.

 

Olio/Arinae used to work in a tea house, but it got burned down and, through a crazy sequence of events, she ended up with both Mydo and Raiden having promised to help her in her quest to find a certain samurai. She talks about food a lot.

 

Duffe is a totally awesome detective guy who serves as a narrator from time to time. Visual jokes about sexual innuendo are made during his monologues, and he bursts from various hiding places while brandishing his decidedly phallic billy-club and shouting "For Pete's Sake!"

 

Gnaat was a student in a kenjutsu dojo who was shipwrecked and ended up in China. There, she studied kung fu, and she later returned to Japan to kill people with her qi powers.

 

Allerance is a gigantic yakuza yojimbo with a strong sense of honor. He totally kills Bruno the Thug Guy.

 

Bruno the Thug Guy is a jerk with weird facial hair and sunglasses. He hires Mydo as a bodyguard, but Mydo gets bored and quits after starting a fight in a brothel.

 

Dresvan has a pompadour and a beat-boxing sidekick. He also has a very big sword and likes to hit on people like Olio/Arinae. He constantly talks about how he will one day ascend to greatness.

 

Noodles has glasses, and he is sent after Mydo to make sure that he doesn't disobey the laws of some checkpoint thing. They both get captured by tengu and then everyone gets high.

 

Tedrick is a friggin' ogre. He's really big, and he betrays Shifty when Olio/Arinae says she isn't afraid of him because of his face.

 

Shifty got his arm chopped off my Mydo in the first episode, and he's a sadistic arsonist.

 

Raevynn is a pickpocket who is raising money to get medicine for her mom. She takes Olio/Arinae hostage, and then gets killed by the police.

 

The Necromancers are warrior-priests that live in the mountains and want to make a revolution against the decadent government. Their revolution is stifled when Mydo lights all their pot on fire.

 

Star Wars

• Gnaat - Anakin
• Olio - Han Solo
• Mydo - Chewbacca
• Searil - Obi Wan Kenobi
• Raevynn - R2D2
• Raiden - C3P0
• Dresvan - Count Dooku

 

Star Wars (alternate)

• Gnaat - Luke Skywalker
• Searil - Obi-Wan Kenobi (dies)
• Mydo - Han Solo
• Olio - Leia Organa
• Raiden - Chewbacca
• Aeleria - C3P0
• Noodles - R2D2
• Dresvan - Lando Calrissian
• Raevynn - Wicket the Ewok
• Michaelis - Yoda
• Shifty - Darth Vader
• Victor - Palpatine

 

 

Valkyrie Profile

Note--VP has a lot of characters. One person will be more than one character, chances are.

• Searil - Jayle
• Olio - Freya, Mystina, Shiho
• Raiden - Arngrim, Belenus, Jun, Grey, Llewelyn, Suo, Lucian
• Princess Elistrae - Jelanda
• Lawrence - Lawfer, That-lead-knight-guy-that-I-can't-remember-the-name-of
• Arinae - Kashell,
• Dresvan - Also Kashell, Mystina
• Aleria - Nanami, Yumei, Asaka
• Alistin - Lyseria
• Raevynn - Badrach
• Helga - Valkyrie, Lorenta
• Michalis - Odin
• Gnaat - Aelia
• Mydo - Loki
• Shifty - Lezard Valeth
• Victor - Brahms

 

Because nobody and their mother has played VP and because it's way too complicated, I'm just putting how everyone dies.

 

• Searil dies by being stabbed by Lawrence.
• Olio is the goddess of fertility. Olio also dies because she pisses off Shifty and attempts to split her body and soul, while her body gets frozen, and dies again because she sung a lot for the army and got stabbed or something.
• Raiden (this is a long one) dies by: 1) killing himself after he refuses to fight Lawrence; 2) trading his life for Aleria's; 3) falling... into... pieces? 4) Whining himself to death; 5) becoming obsessed with Olio and, while thinking of her, getting stabbed; and 6) getting shot with an arrow while being obsessed with Olio.
• Elistrae is still a whiney cunt. She gets turned into a demon and killed by Raiden.
• Lawrence dies trying to free Raiden's brother from jail.
• Arinae dies saving a potion for some stupid little kid.
• Dresvan also dies saving a potion for some stupid little kid. Also dies by freezing.
• Aleria dies by trading her soul with her dead sister and being willed to die.
• Alistin has sealed herself in a crystal because she's too powerful.
• Raevyn dies because she's been messing with the Thieves' Guild and also gets into "heaven" due to a fluke.
• Helga dies by her husband's hand after Shifty turns him into a monster. OR Helga freaking gains angel wings and totally kicks ass (which happened).
• Michalis is the All-Father
• Gnaat dies after being tortured to death
• Mydo is the god of trickery who fools Raiden into letting him have a special artifact. Also kills Michalis.
• Shifty kills himself
• Victor.... is... god of vampires or something.

 

 

Ninety-Nine Nights

• Searil - Inphyy
• Lawrence - Aspharr
• Mydo - Myifee
• Alistine - Tyurru
• Arinae - Random Drow chick that is totally in the art section

 

While we haven't played through this game that much, here's what we can discern thusofar.

 

• Searil is the leader of some holy order or something and is totally lawful evil. Plus boobs.
• Lawrence is Searil's brother (uhhhh).
• Mydo can explode from the pants/nipples in some form of super-move. He also happens to be a mercenary.
• Alistine is friends with water spirits or something like that and also lacks in the pants department.
• Arinae has so far only appeared in the art gallery and looks like a badass.

 

Badahahaha!

 

Disney

 

(Note--There are way too many disney movies, so rather than by movies this will be sorted by characters!)

 

• Searil - Sebastian, Cogsworth, Jane
• Arinae - Evil Stepsisters, Lucifer and NOBODY!!!
• Gnaat - Mulan
• Mydo - Aladdin, Mushu, Scuttle, Hercules, Maurice
• Aeleria - Crikee, Fairy Godmother, Pegasus, Kala
• Olio - Ariel, Belle, Lumiere
• Nackleburr - Lefou, Flouder
• Raiden - Simba, Jasmine, Tarzan, Beast
• Raevynn - Abu, Clayton
• Dresvan - Gaston
• Victor - Hades, That Evil Stepmother...?
• Shifty - Those Frikkin' Hyenas, Iago
• Avarice - Maleficent, Scar, Jafar
• Helga - Triton, Kerchak, Zeus
• Lawrence - Shang, Prince Erick
• Michalis - Mufasa
• Vladmir - Phil
• Sera - Nala, Megara
• Frederick - Genie
• Alistin - Cinderella
• Tedrick - Ursula
• King Bee - The Sultan

 

Short synopsies of the movies with the following characters (Taken directly from imdb--replaced with character names):

 

• Aladdin: Mydo is a street-urchin who lives in a large and busy town long ago with his faithful monkey friend Raevynn. When Princess Raiden gets tired of being forced to remain in the palace that overlooks the city, he sneaks out to the marketplace, where he accidentally meets Mydo. Under the orders of the evil Avarice (King Bee's advisor), Mydo is thrown in jail and becomes caught up in Avarice's plot to rule the land with the aid of a mysterious lamp. Legend has it that only a person who is a "diamond in the rough" can retrieve the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, which is said to summon Frederick. Mydo might fit that description, but that's not enough to marry the princess, who must (by law) marry a prince.

 

• Beauty and the Beast: Olio is a girl who is dissatisfied with life in a small provincial French town, constantly trying to fend off the misplaced "affections" of conceited Dresvan and his sidekick Nackleburr. Raiden is a prince who was placed under a spell because he could not love. A wrong turn taken by Mydo, Olio's father, causes the two to meet.

 

• Mulan: Gnaat is the only girl in a respectable veteran's family. When her father is called to war, Gnaat instead takes his place, stealing his armor and horse and pretending to be a man. This upsets the family ancestors, who accidentally send the disgraced guardian Mydo to persuade Gnaat to return.

 

• The Little Mermaid: Loosely based upon the story by Hans Christian Andersen. Olio, youngest daughter of King Helga, is dissatisfied with life in the sea. She longs to be with the humans above the surface, and is often caught in arguments with her mother over those "barbaric fish-eaters". She goes to meet Tedrick, the Sea Witch, to strike a deal, but Tedrick has bigger plans for this mermaid and her father.

 

• The Lion King: A young lion prince is born in Africa, thus making his aunt Avarice the second in line to the throne. Avarice plots with Shifty to kill King Michalis and Prince Raiden, thus making herself King. The King is killed and Raiden is led to believe by Avarice that it was his fault, and so flees the kingdom in shame. After years of exile he is persuaded to return home to overthrow the usurper and claim the kingdom as his own thus completing the "Circle of Life"

 

• Cinderella: In a far away, long ago kingdom, Alistin is living happily with her mother and father until her mother dies. Alistin's father remarries a cold, cruel lich who has two daughters, Arinae and Arinae. When the father dies, Alistin's wicked stepfather Victor turns her into a virtual servant in her own house. Meanwhile, across town in the castle, the King determines that his son the Prince should find a suitable bride and provide him with a required number of grandchildren. So the King invites every eligible maiden in the kingdom to a fancy dress ball, where his son will be able to choose his bride. Alistin has no suitable party dress for a ball, but her friends the mice and the birds lend a hand in making her one, a dress Arinae immediately tear apart on the evening of the ball. At this point, enter Aeleria, the pumpkin carriage, the royal ball, the stroke of midnight, the glass slipper, and the rest, as they say, is fairy tale history.

 

• Hercules: Mydo, son of the Greek God, Helga, is turned into a half-god, half-mortal by evil Victor, God of the Underworld, who plans to overthrow Helga. Mydo is raised on Earth and retains his god-like strength, but when he discovers his immortal heritage Helga tells him that to return to Mount Olympus he must become a True Hero. Mydo becomes a famous hero with the help of his friend Aeleria and his personal trainer, Vladmir the satyr. Mydo battles monsters, Victor and the Titans, but it is his self-sacrifice to rescue his love Sera which makes him a True Hero.

 

• Tarzan: Raiden was a small orphan who was raised by an ape named Aeleria since he was a child. He believed that this was his family, but on an expedition Searil is rescued by Raiden. He then finds out that he's human. Now Raiden must make the decision as to which family he should belong to.

 

What the hell.

 

Gears of War (I know, it's a bad idea)

 

• Searil: Lt. Kim
• Olio: Carmine
• Dresvan: Baird
• Raiden: Fenix
• Mydo: Cole
• Helga: Col. Hoffman
• Aeleria: Lt. What's-Her-Face
• Farmer Potts: That Asshole Stranded guy who turns on the lights for you.
• Arinae: That Stranded guy who tries to steal guns from the helicopter crash site.
• Gnaat: Santiago
• Mydo's Old Miner Friends: Rojas
• Tedrick: Berzerker
• Vladimir:General RAAM

 

So this all translates into:

 

• Raiden was thrown in jail for treason when fighting in a war to save the world from aliens. If he dies, everyone loses!
• Gnaat is an old friend of Raiden who helps him get out of jail. Her death also results in a game over, for some reason.
• Olio is a new recruit who is fascinated by Raiden's glorious past, which he isn't proud of. She later gets shot in the head by a sniper when asked Searil for help fixing her jammed weapon.
• Searil is a strict, by-the-rules field commander who totally gets stabbed by Vladimir.
• Mydo first appears while fighting alone against impossible odds, having had his miner friends brutally obliterated by the enemy. He is very enthusiastic about combat, and has incredible stamina .

Mydo: "I'm going find some locusts, and ruin their day!"

Dresvan: "Don't you ever get tired?"

Mydo: "Hell to the no!"

• Farmer Potts is still an asshole.
• Arinae is some kind of scavenger who runs away after being threatened at gun-point by Gnaat.
• Vladimir is the last boss!
• Tedrick is almost invincible, completely blind, and sounds like a jet engine when he runs.
• Aeleria gives you all of your missions and stuff.
• Helga wears a funny looking hat and Raiden doesn't really get along with her. She gives a speech in the ending.
• Dresvan is the closest thing to a pretty boy, and he's kind of an ass.

 

Legend of Zelda

• Arinae - Tetra, or Gohma <--T_T nobody fits her
• Gnaat - Impa
• Olio - Malon or Medli
• Searil - That one bitch in Twilight Princess who wears a metal corset and has black hair. You know the one.
• Mydo - Mido <--ENTIRELY for name resemblence and general assholery.
• Raevynn - Midna
• Raiden - Prince Komali
• Aeleria - Saria
• Alistin - Aryll
• Dresvan - Tingle
• Shifty - Guy with the book and glasses in Twilight Princess
• Victor - Ganondorf
• Duffe McWeighlyn - Telma <--gender-swapped but still tends bars
• Princess Elistrae Bee - Zelda
• Helga - Twinrova
• Father Michahlis - Rauru the sage
• Frederick Meyer - Zant
• Charlemagne Norris - Darunia
• Cyril Mashan - Rusl
• William Cosby - The Deku tree

 

Arinae is a secret pirate spider princess. You have to either capture her or shoot her in the eye with arrows to hurt her.

Gnaat is a really tall, kinda manly ninja lady. She's Elistraee's bodyguard. She rides horses, paints her face, and pierces Link's ears. Nobody is Link. What the hell. Later she dies but everyone still thinks she's a badass.

Olio is a little redhaired girl who sings/plays music, likes horses, and hits on Link. Also she's a bird.

 

Searil is a side character who is totally awesome but shows up like, twice. She wears a metal corset.

 

Mydo is a punk ass kid who never grows up and wants to do Aeleria.

 

Raevynn is sekritly a princess, but she is some weird imp thing for now, who has a silly hat and opens doors with her hair. She likes to ride wolves around like horses and she teases Elistraee a lot.

 

Raiden is a fish. He gets really sick and is healed by Link and a bunch of shitlings. He has awesome earrings.

 

Aeleria is about three feet tall and has green hair. She teaches Link to play ocarina and ends up being some crazy forest sage or something.

 

Alistin is Link's cute sister who gets kidnapped by Victor because he thinks she is Elistraee or Arinae.

 

Dresvan is a fat little middle-aged man who dresses up in green spandex and tells everyone with ears that he's a fairy. He's easily the most hated character in the series, but has his own game anyway.

 

Shifty is a side character who shows up like twice. He's Searil's buddy. He's completely retarded and also blind, but he can travel incredibly fast for no apparent reason. (NPC disease)

 

Victor has a huge nose and a jewel in his forehead. He's the only man of his race born for 100 years. He likes kidnapping Elistraee because that's what evil guys do. He is also a giant pig.

 

Duffe McWeighlyn is a bartender with huge boobs. He's easily the most awesome character in the game, but sucks at driving a stupid wagon along the stupid path oh my god.

 

Elistraee is blonde, princessy, and easily kidnappable. She's secretly Arinae sometimes.

 

Helga/Avaris are these witches who fly around and shoot you with fire or ice. You have to kill them using each other's weapons, then they get pissed and do a DBZ esque fusion to turn into super Helga-avaris the hideous giant monster who kicks your ass. She's basically impossible to beat without the mirror shield.

 

Michahlis is this creepy old guy who lives in a void, kidnaps little boys and keeps them asleep for a decade, then they wake up in someone else's clothes.

 

Charlemagne is this huge rockthing guy who calls everyone "brother." Sometimes he gets kidnapped by dragons. He's also a sage and gets to hang out with Michahlis and Aeleria.

 

Cyril is the game's token badass. He gives Link his first sword and struts around and probably teaches you stuff but I accidentally skipped that part.

 

William Cosby is a freaking tree. Link goes inside him and then he dies because Arinae was in there fucking things up.

 

X-Men

• Mydo - Wolverine
• Raiden - Cyclops
• Aeleria - Storm
• Searil - Jean Grey
• Olio - Mystique
• Arinae - Lady Deathstrike
• Raevynn - Jubilee
• Tom - "Goddamn this is hard. I'll come back later."

 

Dead Rising

(What a bad idea!)

• Mydo - Frank West
• Geltar - Kent
• Olio - Sophie
• Searil - Jessie
• Arinae - Jeff
• Gnaat - That guy who gets locked in the back room and doesn't believe there's zombies
• Aeleria - Isabella
• Nackleburr - Greg
• Cyril - Brad
• Vladmir - Cliff
• Tedrick - Adam the Clown or Steven
• Shifty - Paul
• Avarice - Jo Slade
• The DM Bird - Otis
• That miserly old guy - Barnaby
• Necromancy Cult - Raincoat Cult
• Dresvan - Kindell
• Raiden - Carlito
• Juno - America

 

Parallels:

• Mydo is a freelance photographer heading to the town of Willamette to catch the scoop of the century. Among his adventures in the zombie infested mall, he turns into a ninja. Seriously.
• Geltar is another freelance photographer hanging out in the mall. He knows all of Mydo's moves, although he's not as brawny as Mydo and relies moreso on speed.
• Aeleria is a medical technician, and the sister of the psychopath Raiden.
• Cyril is Searil's partner and a member of the DHS. He and Mydo don't get along all that well. Gets eaten.
• Searil is Cyril's partner and a member of the DHS. She has cleavage. Dies and rises as a zombie after being bitten by that miserly old guy.
• Olio is a survivor found out in the park, who Mydo saves from convicts after they kill her 60-year-old love interest.
• Arinae is a survivor found in a sandwich shop who refuses to go with Mydo unless he gives her food. And by food I mean chains.
• Gnaat has been stuck in the back room for the past two days and has no idea that there was even a zombie infestation.
• Nackleburr is a security guard who was stuck on a ride by Tedrick. He shows you a very nifty shortcut through the mall and hangs out with the DM Bird
• Vladmir is a vietnam vet who is convinced Mydo is a communist and tries to kill him. He's also one big Apocalypse Now reference.
• Tedrick is an incredibly fat clown who goes insane from people "laughing at him." He wields two chainsaws and is incredibly agile for a morbidly obese man. Alternatively, Tedrick is the owner of a supermarket and goes insane, killing anyone he declares is "vandalizing" his store (which is anyone who enters, basically).
• Shifty is some pimply emo teenager who uses molotov cocktails.
• Avarice is an INCREDIBLY fat lesbian rapist police officer.
• The DM Bird constantly calls Mydo and tells him about survivors, psychopaths, and pretty clothes he can wear. He also takes all the survivors in the end by helicopter, bringing them to safety.
• That miserly old guy was the researcher of the zombie disease. He becomes infected and bites Searil, then gets shot by Cyril.
• The Necromancy Cult wears raincoats.
• Dresvan helps Mydo after Aeleria has been shot, although later he attempts to rally the other survivors against Mydo and escape a different way.
• Raiden is a superpowerful psychopath, and the mastermind behind the incident at Willamette. He desires vengeance against Juno for killing his village and his parents.

 

Demon Stone

There actually are elements of Forgotten Realms in our campaign, aren't there? That's almost ironic!

 

• Mydo - Rannek
• Arinae - Zhai
• Alistin - Illius
• Victor - The Slaad Lord
• Those Trolls that attacked that town - Those Trolls that attacked Mithral Hall
• Juliet - The Yuan-Ti High Priest
• Fred Meyer - The old wizard guy that I can't remember the name of.
• The 12-Headed Hydra - That Ancient Red Dragon
• 18 Death Slaads - Infinite spawn of Death Slaads
• Avarice - The Githyanki.. Thing

 

So this means....

 

Mydo grew up sad and alone because everyone around him kept dying. He fights with a bastard sword, and he has an intense beard, and he has a ponytail, and... wow.

 

Arinae is a half-drow that was raised in a wood elf village. She grew up and left the village in search of adventure, changed her patron deity from Sehanine Moonbow to Vhaeraun, which is absolutely nothing like in the AP++ campaign. She and Mydo bicker about decisions and Mydo makes fun of her every chance he gets.

 

Mydo gets a feat called "Dragon's Toughness."

 

Alistin grew up as an outcast because she was a sorcerer. In combat, she hangs back and casts magic missile over and over again. She takes the party to Fred Meyer to learn about what they should do next once they unwittingly let loose a great evil upon the land.

 

Fred Meyer is personally responsible for preventing the destruction of the world at the hands of Victor and Avarice. One hundred years later, Alistin shows up in his house to learn how to stop the evil once again! He dies at the hands of Victor, who has a funny shaped head and a little cape.

 

Victor also flies around and shoots little fireballs that give off suprisingly large explosions.

 

Avarice jumps around like a little bitch when you try to shoot her.

 

When Alistin reaches level 16, she can spam Power Word Kill all over the place as many times as she wants, and it's like, a standard action.

 

Mydo can only use Whirlwind attack when his super meter is full!

 

Drizzt Do'Urden is an old friend of Alistin's who needs everyone's help to defend Mithral hall from the very same clan of trolls that destroyed Mydo's home town. He is quick to point out that pressing X in front of a camp fire is, in fact, *better* than a +5 Flame Tongue Bastard Sword when you're trying to kill trolls.

 

Juliet was not so much killed by the party as much as she was, in a bout of irony, eaten alive by her own god, who was conveniently impatient.

 

Victor rides around on that Hydra and like, blows stuff up. He makes fun of Avarice every time he sees her, and they have semi-epic, though rather uneventful, little duels in the background while Mydo, Arinae, and Alistin fight infinite spawns of 18 Death Slaads and punk-ass githyanki with bad haircuts.

 

Okami

Not a whole lot to go off of here, but oh well...

 

• Aeleria - Amaterasu
• Olio - Issun
• That Ogre - Orochi
• Guillermo - That Archer Guy
• The Necromancy Jerks - Mr. and Mrs. Cutter
• Helga - Queen Himiko
• Mydo - Bokugami, god of Explosions
• Gnaat - The god of... umm... climbing stuff.
• Billy - That stupid kid who lost his dog
• Elistrae - The Sparrow Princess
• King Beah - The Sparrow King
• Dresvan - Susano

 

And therefore...

 

Aeleria is the goddess of the sun, supreme ruler of the pantheon. She has manifested herself as a wolf in order to purge the land of the evil taint that has cursed and destroyed all of Japan. She feeds extremely cute little animals, and creepily watches them eat. She is also the wielder of the celestial brush.

 

Olio is this little bug thing that bounces around and serves as a spokesperson for Aeleria, who most people see only as a white wolf. She is self-proclaimed as an amazing traveling artist, and is insistent on learning the celestial brush techniques from Aeleria, who totally as a greatsword, by the way.

 

That ogre seemed to be central to the major problems looming over the region, and Aeleria looted a kick-ass sword off of him, but he was defeated with relative ease like, 9 hours into what is turning out to be like, a 60-70 hour game.

 

Guillermo is constantly practicing his archery skills, and he accidentally sets off a chain reaction by firing a flaming arrow into a stockpile of gunpowder and fireworks. Besides that one time, he's totally awesome, and never misses his target. He always tells Aeleria to sit back and relax, and he gives her apples.

 

The cult of Nerull is an extremely creepy old couple that tries to capture and eat the princess, who happens to be a bird. They later turn out to be a couple of extremely annoying Crow Tengu.

 

Helga is an important political and religious figure of great power. She wears a flaming hat. She would help Aeleria more directly with her quest, but she has a disease that shall be known only as the NPC disease that prevents her from doing anything more than sitting in her room and praying for success.

 

Mydo is a giant pig that sits on a big ball that is, in fact, actually a huge bomb. He grants Aeleria the power to blow shit up.

 

Gnaat is a big white cat who gets chased around by Aeleria in a field full of flowers for a while before giving Aeleria the power to climb walls that have cat paws on them.

 

Billy has a bunny hood and is a stupid little kid who can't take care of his friggin' dog. He thinks that he can fish, but it's actually Aeleria doing all of the real work. He's kind of retarded, but he and his dog go to build a bridge or something after Aeleria and Dresvan get the first one blown up.

 

Elistrae is a little bird with a bow on her head.

 

King Beah is a really really fat bird with an eyepatch. He communicates by saying "Chirp."

 

Dresvan is a middle-aged, balding alcoholic who is descended from a great warrior. He was secretly responsible for releasing the evil taint upon the world, and, with Aeleria's help, was able to beat stuff up with his wooden sword. In the end, however, he doesn't need Aeleria's help to slit the ogre open stem to stern.

 

 

The Lord of the Rings

• Arinae - Frodo and Gollum (Potentially Bilbo)
• Raevynn - Sam and Merry
• Dresvan - Legolas
• Mydo - Gimli and Eomer
• Raiden - Aragorn
• Searil - Boromir
• Frederick - Gandalf the Grey
• Shifty - Saruman
• Victor - Sauron
• Dante - Agent Smith
• Agent Smith - Elrond
• Chaldiira - Isildur
• Aeleria - Gandalf the White
• Gnaat - All of the Harradrim (as well as their elephants)and Faramir
• Olio - Pippin and Eowyn
• Noodles - Also Gimli
• Alistin - Arwen
• King Beah - All of the Nazgul

 

So that means....

 

Arinae has hairy feet. She also eats raw animals and crawls around on all fours. She's slightly schizophrenic, and, in the end, ends up betraying one part of herself and killing the other part of herself, when she is barely saved by half of Raevynn.

 

Raevynn is Arinae's gardener. She cooks stuff and fights with a frying pan. Part of her gets taken to Isengard, and she carries Arinae up the final slope at Mount Doom. She saves Arinae's life after she kills herself.

 

Dresvan is Orlando Bloom, sex symbol of 14-year-old girls everywhere. He wears a poncho sometimes; it's lavender. All of the fan-girls think that he's in love with Mydo, and he's really good at shooting things with his bow. Oh, and he's a prince, with bodyguards that look exactly like him, though maybe not quite as hot.

 

Mydo is very short. And hairy. He braids his beard, and he broke his axe on Arinae's ring. Also, he's like, a super horse guy with a very intense helmet and a band of what are mostly women pretending to be men. He becomes king of Rohan at the end of book three.

 

Raiden is the rightful heir to the throne of Gondor, because he's descended from Chaldiira. He doesn't really like Searil too much, and his beard is kind of sparse until the end of the last movie, but it really doesn't look as good when it's more full. He was in Hidalgo. He's in love with Alistin, who was editted out of the Helm's Deep sequence.

 

Searil is a huge dick. Kind of. She tries to steal Arinae's ring, and then she gets shot by an arrow (3 times), kissed by Raiden, and then pushed down a river because she's dead.

 

Frederick is famous for his fireworks. He's good friends with Arinae, and pretty much everyone else. Shifty used to be his leader, but that kind of got messed up by Victor. He's a million years old, rides around on eagles, and is like, invincible. He dies in a dramatic battle against the only black guy from Street Fighter II.

 

Shifty is also a huge dick. AND he's Count Dooku, which means that he totally cut Gnaat's arm off, which means that he's probably the real reason behind that friggin' grey thing.

 

Victor is symbolized by a big red eye thing. He hangs out on top of a big huge tower and commands King Beah. In the last movie, he turns into some kind of spotlight. He's a jerk, and Chaldiira cut his fingers off. That wasn't very nice.

 

Dante wears sunglasses and an ear-piece. Sometimes, he's an elf, but not always. He keeps calling Keanu "Mr. Anderson," but everyone knows that he goes by "Neo" nowadays. He duplicated himself by corrupting other programs, but even like 500 Dantes was not enough to defeat Keanu Reeves.

 

Agent smith is an elf with a fancy silver circlet thing. He's pretty creepy, and he's like 3000 years old. He told Chaldiira to destroy the ring 2000 years ago, but Chaldiira's a retard, and he messed everything up. Too bad.

 

Chaldiira is a retard who took up his father's sword and cut off Victor's fingers, and then took his ring. Then he got shot.

 

Aeleria pops out of the woods and uses deflect arrows and heat metal at the same time as a free action. She's got a nifty horse named Shadowfax and a long white beard. She's also got a big white stick that, in the video game, could shoot energy ball things. She used to be Fred Meyer, but then s/he died.

 

Gnaat is very numerous, and she rides herself around. Dresvan killed her like 12 times, and Mydo said that one of those times only counts as one. In the extended version, Gnaat shoots herself off of herself, and then talks about herself and stuff. It was weird. She has like, 6 tusks. And she steps on horses.

 

Olio is a singing midget, and a Shieldmaiden of Rohan, who is also Mydo's sister or something. She pretends to be a boy, and she also is a boy, and then she helps herself and her best friend, but not really her best friend, but like, the best friend of the other part of herself when she fights King Beah.

 

Noodles is short, hairy, and in love with Dresvan. He and Mydo share a body.

 

Alistin is Raiden's girlfriend, and she's like 300 years older than him. She's like, an emo kid, but she's like 300 and something years old, so she's like, an emo-hag or something. She has kind of a cool sword, and you can buy them for like $60 in this one catalogue. She carries Arinae on a horse after she gets stabbed by King Beah.

 

King Beah stabs Arinae right in the shoulder because he wants her ring to give to Victor. Before he can succeed, Raiden hits him in the face with a torch, and then his horses get killed by Alistin's magical powers, but he comes back with these big flying dealies that totally get decapitated by Olio. He's pretty much the creepiest thing around (except Arinae), and he totally killed that old guy Fred ( I think his name was ) when he ran over the gate thing in whatever town that was. He also killed a Hobbit with a top-hat.

 

 

Sailor Moon

 

Foodstuffs

Olio - Strawberry Cheesecake/Old Country Buffet

Helga - Fondue (Cheese)

Avarice - Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Dresvan - Champagne

Raiden - Oyster

Mydo - Safeway Select Soda/10 lbs Texas Steak

Gnaat - Curry

Searil - Those goddamn Korean candies that cut the fuck out of your mouth

Arinae - Chicken (white or dark meat ;D)

Raevyn - Rocket Chocolate/Jolt

Aleria - Pixie Stix

Nackleburr - Ramen

Chaldira - Uni (Sea Urchin Genitalia)

Isil - Ramune

Lawrence - Tonic Water

Allerance - Escargot

William Cosby - Jello Pudding

Charlemagne Norris - A Rock

Sera - Grape Jolly Ranchers/Runt Bananas

Yreka - Sourkraut

Elistrea - A Cupcake

Shifty - Ganja Brownies

Victor - 500 year-old slim jim

 

• Olio is sweet, rich and delicious. You can also get anything you want from her, for cheap, but only in sub-par quality.
• Helga is smooth, creamy cheese that you often dip bread into. She's a step-up from grilled cheese.
• Avarice resembles an old vagina. She also provides a quick, tasty meal to children.
• Dresvan is often served at fancy dinner parties. Select people like him, but those with more of a free spirit tend to think he's a bit overrated.
• Raiden is completely encased in a hard shell and occasionally spits water into your eyes. Once opened, however, he can be quite delicious. Unless you're allergic to shellfish.
• Mydo is pretty cheap but nevertheless a nice refreshing beverage. He also is a gigantic meat product that, if entirely consumed, is received for free. In Texas.
• Gnaat is a spicy food that can look pretty disgusting but nevertheless tastes good. She tastes especially good with Arinae and rice.
• Searil is a delicious fruit candy that happens to be covered in sugary spikes, which, when consumed, will tear the fuck out of your mouth.
• Arinae is a bird who sheds feathers at the drop of a hat, and comes in either white or dark variations. Tastes delicious with Gnaat.
• Raevyn is great at perking up tired college students who happen to not like caffeine. Too much consumed at once will result in nausea, insanity or death.
• Aleria is also called "flowers" by some. She combines sourness, sweetness and fruitiness into one delicious package. She can also be snorted, but it's not recommended.
• Nackleburr is a great food for cheap college students. Occasionally tends to give cancer and promote unhealthiness. Also tastes good covered in peanut-butter.
• Chaldira looks completely and totally disgusting, and most people can't stomach the taste of him. However, there are those who can, and those who can think he's delicious. :)
• Isil is a bubbly, Japanese soft-drink that occasionally explodes on the drinker if not properly opened. She has marbles in her head.
• Lawrence is a bitter but smooth drink. Often tastes good with some alcohol.
• Allerance always comes in a shell which needs to be dug out by the eater. Very French as well. Most people wouldn't even think of eating something like him.
• William Cosby likes to jump rope.
• Charlemagne Norris is the only food that Chuck Norris can eat, which subsequently gets turned into lightning bolts.
• Sera is the flavor of Jolly Rancher that oftentimes children throw away because it isn't as good as the others. Also the flavor of Runts that kids tend to pick out of their candy and throw away because they taste pretty bad.
• Yreka is a pickled cabbage product. Often eaten at barbeques.
• Elistrea is a quasi-fancy, light dessert that children often eat during class birthday parties. She is considered a lot less messy than cake.
• Shifty looks like a mere delicious browny but upon eating one you'll get a pretty nasty surprise. Or a not-so-nasty surprise if you're into that sort of thing. Either way he'll give you one amazing, magical trip.
• Victor resembles a 500 year-old wrinkly penis.

 

Slayers

..even though no one but me has seen the whole thing. ::cries::

Raevynn - Lina Inverse

Olio - Naga the Serpent

Allerance - Gourry Gabriev

Arinae - Zelgadis Graywords

Shifty - Zolf

Allerance.. AGAIN - Rodimus

Chaldiira - Rezo

Gnaat - Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun

Vladimir - Prince Philionel

Dresvan - Zangulus

Kylee - Vrumugun

Aeleria - Sylphiel

 

Olio - Martina

Nackleburr - Xellos

Alistin - Kira

Lawrence - Milgasia

Avarice - Hellmaster Phibrizzo

 

Luna - Helga

Filia - ???

Raiden - Valgaav

Mydo - Jillas/Gravos

 

Searil - Damia (from the game)

 

Meaning, in a nutshell...

Raevynn is travelling the world at a fresh age for fame and riches, and first travels with Olio, a huge-breasted, battle-bikini-wearing sorceress who is a bit diszy, but a sweet girl underneath. She is the self-proclaimed rival of Raevynn. Raevynn, when travelling alone again, is "saved" by wandering mercenary Allerance. Allerance abides by his sense of honor (and in the process ignoriing Raevynn's protests) and vows to protect her from the evils around her. On their journey they are intercepted by Arinae, a mysterious woman who conceals her appearance. Her hencemen, Shifty (who is sensitive to being called a third-rate sorceror) and... Allerance (who Shifty and Arinae joke about "thinking he's a knight"... and no, it doesn't make sense, shut up) are set upon them to retreive an important item. Arinae works for her relative Chaldiira, who cursed her with her appearance in the first place. (lol)

 

After many changes in the plot, Arinae becomes a companion, blah blah, she leaves, and Raevynn and Allerence are joined by Gnaat, a princess/shrine maiden who wields her fist and is a bit reckless with her magic, and her father Vladimir, a pacifist who wields himself as a weapon. The party is followed by Dresvan, a self-proclaimed rival of Allerance, and Kylee, Dresvan's partner-in-crime who never dies no matter how many times she is killed.

 

Aeleria is a sweet girl and the childhood friend of Allerence; she loves him dearly.

 

Olio is a princess of a kingdom that gets destroyed by Raevynn, and she and her homemade god Zoamelgustar seek revenge. She falls in love with everyone and hates Raevynn.

 

Nackleburr is a mysterious priest who manipulates the party with a smile on his face. He is hated by Arinae.

 

Alistin is a young girl who carries on her father's legacy as a master healer. She is REALLY young. She also is a mere cameo. :(

 

Lawrence is a seemingly emotion-less gold dragon who assists the party.

 

Avarice is a creepy-ass dark lord who takes the form of a child. And he has the ability to manipulate the spirits of the dead, and kill people instantaneously.

 

Helga is Raevynn's older sister, who Raevynn is DEATHLY afraid of. She works part-time as a waitress and sends a letter to Raevynn to make her help (Filia).

 

Raiden is a feared race of dragon imbued with the conflicting power of the demons, which two powers battle within him constantly. He's constantly angry and in pain. He hates Nackleburr and wants to kill Raevynn and her friends.

 

Mydo is two characters in one. O_o He is (a) a one-eyed beastman taken in by Raiden as a minion. He is burly and a worthy oppponent. Has a big ego. And (b) he is a one-eyed fox (beastman) also taken in by Raiden as a minion who manipulates a new technology, gunpowder.

 

Searil is a bad-ass woman whose sister is obsessed with chimeras and genetically-enhanced Searil. She has pink hair and weilds a huge blade.

 

(...sorry, I am obsessed. :( LOOOONG.)

 

Fly for Fun

because i'm awesome

• Allerance - STA/STR knight
• Arinae - full DEX blade
• Gnaat - STR/DEX acrobat
• Olio - Leann in Saint City
• Searil - full STR knight
• Mydo - full STA knight
• Raevynn - yoyo jester
• Raiden - full STA knight
• Scharr - PKing Billposter pretending to be a FS RM on s4
• Aeleria - full INT FS ringmaster
• Alistin - full INT elementer
• Dresvan - ranger
• Devis - Novelist Gergantes
• Isil - guardian NPC
• Chaldiira - blade
• Shifty - PKing bitchy psykeeper
• Victor - Psykeeper Wise-man Cuarine
• Duffe McWeighlyn - Luda
• Lawrence - knight
• Helga - Knight Master Karandur
• Father Michahlis - Knight Wise-man Hormes
• Vladimir Krichevskoy - Hachal
• Tedrick Gotfreid - Bozman
• Frederick Meyer - Elementer Wise-man Cuzrill
• Lueali - full INT elementer
• Cyril Mashan - The guy the novelist is writing about
• William Cosby - High Dwarpet Hastan

 

So this means:

 

• Allerance wears armour and carries a big sword and tanks a lot. He's pretty slow and if something can kill him, then we probably shouldn't be fighting it.
• Arinae sucks at low levels but eventually is a lawnmower. Nobody wants to party her and she levels really slow. She wears a weird face-mask and looks really, really evil.
• Gnaat dresses like a cowboy and likes short shorts and belt buckles shaped like skulls. She can fight with yoyos or bows and can go invisible whenever she wants.
• Olio kind of hangs out in the city and tells people what to do so they bring her a lot of hard to find items. She has glasses.
• Searil absolutely owns everything until she gets hit. She wears heavy armour and carries an enormous sword but is really slow and frail. She has has a silly helmet.
• Mydo could AOE glaphans if he actually hurt them at all. He spends most of his time punching everything once to get its attention, then standing there while everyone else kills it.
• Raevynn is a rarity. She fights with toys and looks pretty awesome and isn't bad at PVP. She can go invisible and shoot people in the back.
• Raiden is Mydo.
• Scharr goes onto the PK server in level 60 green armour so nobody can tell what his job is. He tells people that he is full support so they will not attack him, and then kills them when they turn their back. He has a bounty of "1,337" on his head.
• Aeleria gets powerleveled all the time because she can't fight anything at all on her own. Nobody ever gives her any drops so she goes and whines about it on the forums.
• Alistin is a weird build and gets made fun of a lot, but her spells are awesome looking and she blows shit up. She's the best damage-dealer in the party and she wears a stupid hat.
• Dresvan dresses in silly green clothes. He carries a bow that looks like a sword and shoots things. He is even more rare than Raevynn.
• Devis is a lazy bum who says he's writing books but almost never does. He carries human hearts in his pocket and hands them out to adventurers so they can go fight monsters and then tell him what it's like.
• Isil stands up on a floating pyramid above lava all day with her buddies who look exactly like her. She never does anything at all.
• Chaldiira likes to hang out at bangs in Flaris for some reason. He fights with two swords and looks like a badass.
• Shifty goes about on server 4 killing everyone and then whining on the forums when someone kills him and he loses some of his inventory and goes to jail because his name is bright freaking red.
• Victor stands at a fountain all day with his buddy Frederick debating some cryptic engrishy thing about wisdom.
• Duffe McWeighlyn has a rare weapon named after him. He runs a weapon store and sends people on quests to kill a bunch of monsters for no particular reason.
• Lawrence killed a ton of people until his name said "paladin" in front of it. Now he hangs out in low level areas and helps people with the game, hoping we won't run out of gold to give out.
• Helga stands in town next to a huge spinning... thing. She doesn't really do much and wears low-level armour but pretends she can own you.
• Father Michahlis stands around the same fountain as Victor and Frederick and doesn't really do much but confuse people who are level twenty.
• Vladimir Krichevskoy is constantly trying to be assassinated by clowns.
• Tedrick Gotfreid hangs out with his buddies who look exactly like him and sells weapons all day.
• Frederick Meyer stands around with Victor and Michahlis at a fountain all day, debating about engrishy wisdom and whatnot.
• Lueali goes around blasting monsters with very pretty spells and hoping he can kill them before they get into melee range because he is the hugest sissy like ever. Also he wears a silly hat and a lot of brown.
• Cyril Mashan is some legendary hero who killed a bunch of stuff or something, probably clowns.
• William Cosby is a weird little gnome-elf-dwarf who digs and digs but never makes a hole. He's really antisocial until you give him his lost book, then he's nice for two text boxes, then really antisocial again.

 

Gitaroo Man

• U-1/Gitaroo Man - Rayn
• Puma/AC30 - Mydo
• Pico - Flora
• Kazuya - Dresvan
• Zowie - Seth (WHO IS NOT AN AP++ CHARACTER)
• Ming-Ming - Gnaat
• Kirah - Olio
• Miranda the Elder - Michahlis
• Panpeus the diaper demon - Shifty McGee
• Flying-O - Medea's Hippogryph
• Mojo King Bee - Tedrick
• Ben-K - Raiden
• Carrot - Scharr
• Pine - Arinae
• Soda - Raevynn
• Gregorio Siegfried Wilhelm III - Lueali
• Noren - Khae
• Yung - Tigersaurus/LTFS
• Mr. Yasuda - Sian
• Composition bear - Aeleria

 

Which means!

• Rayn is the protagonist. He is an emo kid with awesome bowling shoes. He can play guitar with a tennis racket. He doesn't want to go to planet Gitaroo. He's gonna eat us!
• Mydo is a fucking dog. He is a fucking dog who belongs to Rayn. He talks and can turn into an amp.
• Flora is cute and the love interest of Rayn (EW OMG). She has rollerskates on all the time.
• Dresvan wants to steal Flora from Rayn. He's a jerk but a good skateboarder.
• Seth gets a cameo lol. He has horns and holograms and a pet cat. He is space Dresvan.
• Gnaat is Seth's pet cat with a weird shaped head. She gets one line in the whole game.
• Olio is basically Flora but in space, and hotter. She hangs out with Seth and Michahlis. Mydo is in love with her, only because she looks just like Flora.
• Michahlis has hair that looks like horns. He is like two feet tall and is a bossy jerk. Somehow he can create holograms while in prison with rubber bars.
• Shifty wears diapers. He may have a baby face, but he doesn't have baby skills!
• Medea's hippogryph is like three people/robots/flying saucers. It likes Jpop and explodes.
• Tedrick is a fatty. He wears a bee suit AND an elvis suit at the SAME TIME. He's gonna get you, Gitaroo Man!
• Raiden is a fucking shark. He flies in space and wants to eat Mydo (?!???). He's also a mech with turntables for pecs.
• Scharr is a skeleton with a PS2 controller for a pelvis. Arinae and Raevynn follow him around like lost puppies.
• Arinae looks almost exactly like Scharr, but shorter and palette-swapped. She is percussion.
• Raevynn looks almost exactly like Scharr and Arinae except shorter and palette-swapped. She has a cool name.
• Lueali is EXTREMELY GAY for Seth (canon'd). His beauty is a sin, oh god. His outfit is ridiculous. Aeleria hangs out on his shoulder.
• Khae wears a rabbit suit. He has glasses and plays the accordian. He can breathe in outer space.
• LTFS is the same person as his monkey. He wears a monkey suit (HAHAHAA) and plays cymbals. He might actually be a girl, it's hard to tell.
• Sian has a deep manly voice and wears a bear suit. She plays ukele (sp?). She has glasses and hangs out iwht Khae and LTFS.
• Aeleria is blue and tiny. She gets to be on the front cover because she is compositionally sound. She sits on Lueali's shoulder for some reason, but is probably just an inanimate object.

---

RECIPE LOLZ!!!!!!!1

 

2 cups blackberries

1/2 cup creme de cassis (black currant - flavored liquer)

3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 tablespoons sugar

1/4 cup water

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1. Combine first 4 ingredients in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook eight minutes or until berries begin to soften, stir frequently.

2. Combine water and cornstarch in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk, stir into berry mixture. Bring to a boil, and cook 1 minute or until thick, stirring constantly. Cool, pour into an airtight container. Cover and chill. Yield: 1 cup.

 

Hand Maid May

• Arinae - Rena
• Scharr - Nanbara
• Searil - Sara
• Olio - Mami
• Mydo - Commando Z
• Raevynn - Ikariya
• Gnaat - Kasumi
• Alistin - Kei
• Noodles - Kazuya
• Raiden - CyberX
• Aeleria - May
• Lawrence and Dresvan - Kazuya's Classmates

 

• Arinae is a little kid who hangs out with Raevynn all the time. She is obsessed with romantic drama serials and coerces people into giving her things by screaming really loud.
• Scharr is one of the coolest characters in the series: he's got his own theme song, and is implicitly a rapist.
• Searil hangs out with Scharr and works as a customer service representative. She carries the ghetto blaster that plays Scharr's theme song, and has an unhealthy obsession with ramen. She also really likes rules, and has super-human strength.
• Olio knows everything about everyone and wants everyone to sleep with each other. She is an indisputable master of domestic engineering, and has awesome rocket-skates. She was sent by Raiden to help take care of Noodles.
• Mydo is awesome. He has intense red hair and a crazy red scarf that has screen tones. As a descendant of Scharr, he shares his theme song, and he drinks beer with his breakfast. He complains that Aeleria's cooking doesn't involve enough alcohol.
• Raevynn is a squid. She shoots ink at people and uses her squid powers to make Arinae see the error of her ways. Scharr was her first kiss when Aeleria used her as a shield.
• Gnaat is the daughter of Noodles' landlord, and they've known each other for a long time. She refuses to lose to anyone else (especially Aeleria), and she claims that her training in little-league baseball has made her body impervious to "cannonballs and arrows." She often wonders who will bear Noodles' first child.
• Alistin is super smart and lives in Noodles' closet. She wears huge glasses, and works as a lab assistant for a professor at Noodles' college.
• Noodles is an electrical engineering student who is working to make his robot, Raevynn, into the ultimate artificial intelligence. One day, Aeleria showed up at his house, and ever since then, all of the female characters in the series "want his nuts."
• Raiden is from the future, and he loves milk. He is a descendant of Noodles, and is a co-president of the Cyberdyne corporation alongside Mydo. He wears a metal suit that covers his whole body, and he can type really really fast. He usually shows up to save the day at the very last moment.
• Aeleria is a robot maid who is really really short at first, but she got bigger after a while. She develops human emotions that advance the science of artificial intelligence significantly, and she really likes Noodles, who is her master. They go on a ferris wheel, and she can have babies.
• Lawrence and Dresvan practice tag-team pick-up lines so that they can get Alistin to have tea with them. Their plans are foiled by Noodles, and they don't appear very often. When they do show up, it's to make a commentary about Noodles' unusual living conditions.